How birthday parties relate to friendships
After graduation, birthday parties seem to turn into a reminder of the not so long ago past, while simultaneously reflecting the continuous development of growing up. If you are not someone who actively keeps in touch with every single person - at least not beyond fleeting social media updates - it seems like you are facing new, altered people every time you head to one of these annual events. I´m referring to the weird, elusive period of time between the end of senior year and the transition to the next phase of life. Some might have already moved further away, while others have stayed with their parents, to commute between home and university. Deep down you know that you will lose contact to most of them eventually, but somehow you still hold on to a certain spark of nostalgia and the comforting illusion that the secure bubble of childhood and teenage years won´t burst as long as the birthday invitations keep coming in. In elementary and middle school, being invited to someone´s birthday party was the signature on the friendship-contract. If you stepped through a door frame with balloons hanging above your head, a wrapped package in your hand and the smell of cake in your nose, it was official: you had gained their trust, you were in. The party itself was an updated version of an after-school playdate, since you had seen pretty much all of the other guests just a few hours ago in math class - by the exception of the one friend, who maybe even lived in another town and who none of the others had seen before, but who seemed to have known the birthday kid since nursery days. When you´ve reached your twenties on the other hand, there is no treasure hunt or musical chairs or egg and spoon races. No, you actually have to talk to people - in between beer pong sessions and trips to the snack table. Occasionally, with the right rhythm and enough booze intake, there is some dancing. But after a couple of songs, everybody seems to remember that they are at a party of about twenty to thirty guests and not in a club, since there appears to be some kind of implied difference regarding the level of embarrassment. Those that you have not seen in a while suddenly have a new hair cut or brought someone that you have never or only briefly heard of before and who may or may not be more than a date. In school these kind of mysteries didn´t exist or if so, then not for beyond a week. The student body was its own society, exchanging information on a daily basis, while enclosed by tightly standing walls. Lunch break gossip was the juicy equivalent of Instagram posts - only more detailed and without filters or romanticising captions. You didn´t need to have an elaborate conversation with someone to know about the latest turn in their story. However, when you left the class room behind, you automatically cut off your access to the news chain. Now, every encounter with a kind-of-friend, that you have not managed to remain in steady texting proximity with, starts out with a half-hearted catch-up. Often occurring phrases include anything bound to expressions like ´how´, ´again´, ´still´ and ´didn´t you´: ´How is your something going? ´, ´What are you studying again? ´, ´Didn´t you move to that city? ´, ´Are you still seeing that person? ´. Even though there usually is at least a bit of curiosity or care, both parties basically check off a list of questions, abiding by socially required conduct. As long as no one has decided to leave the continent or is struck with a terminal disease or a sudden rise to fame, you merely update your file and put it back into the cabinet. After all, there is a reason for the increasing silence throughout the past months. You begin to realize that some relationships are dependent on the basis of the environment that they were created in. When there is no quirky teacher to imitate and no tremendous pile of homework to complain about, common interests become of severe importance. If these aren´t given, then it is very likely that the range of topics will not go much further than small talk. Of course, there are memories and shared experiences to resort to, but then again you can only bring up the tenth-grade trip to Italy so many times. A mutual break up of a romantic relationship, due to faded feelings, usually involves a clearly stated intent to close the current chapter and move on to the next. Whereas friendships tend to slowly mellow out. You don´t tell a friend ´I´m sorry, but I think this isn´t working anymore´ or ´We are different people now than when we first met´. Instead, you wait for the year in which you are not added to Melissa´s twenty-something birthday group chat. Just as receiving an invitation used to be the entrance sign to a friendship, the lack of one indicates the exit door. But at least you can stop worrying about all the consequences of violating the unwritten rule of ´an invite for an invite´.
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